21- Counting down the days

10 days and then it will be freedom. Still 10 days and I’ll say that I’ve done it, after 88 days. I’ll be able to apply for my second Visa. I’m looking forward to say that, especially because the end of my farm job will coincide with a departure. The start line toward a long road trip which will bring me up north to Whitsundays and further.

I feel like I’ve been planning this trip for ages, even if I’m aware that I’ve been gathering information and interesting news about the places I’ll visit just for a couple of weeks.

I’ve set out a long but clear pattern which it’s going to be the right choreography for the last period of my first year overseas. Then, it will be Italy for a while, finally Australia again, next January. I know, I’m conscious that I was born to do this kind of life. Travelling’s always been my dream. There’s a pretty famous phrase, by the writer Mark Twain, which say:

“ Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor, catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”

What he said has become my reason of life. I’m aware of the fact that I can’t do it forever, but now, right now, it’s the moment of my life where I need to explore, discover, dream as he said.

“Life is short, break the rules, forgive quickly, kiss slowly, laugh uncontrollably, and never regret anything that made you smile”

20 - The language issue

Given that I’m living abroad, in a Country which is totally different from mine, whether for the different language or for the completely different style of live and habits, sometimes I think and I even reckon  how good I am (or we are, if it’s been talking about foreigners in general) at living/surviving without doing what I’m able to do (being an engineer), leaving my close friends and my family in Italy and, particularly, speaking in English.

I’m going to explain better the concept. If you’re traveling somewhere as a tourist, no matter if you speak English or not, you need to enjoy your holiday in your lush accommodation, spending most of the day laying on a sheltered beach, walking up the hillside along the famous track which has been organized expressly for tourists. The main achievement that you are pursuing is a holiday that makes you healthier, richer (culturally talking) and rejuvenated.

On the other side, if you live abroad and your main goal consists in settling down in the Country where you’ve landed on, the concern is much more different and elaborated. Far more, because you need to acquire the capacity to speak properly the new language you’re facing on and becoming understandable as much as you can with the people you meet along your “journey”.

Obviously, as far as I know, this sounds easier to say than to do.

Firstly, you should (and probably you need) to understand and plunge in a new, different culture for a better comprehension of why the people act as they act, so in a different way compared to yours.

The second point you need to be aware of is the fact that it might be possible that you’re going to change, partially or completely, your habits and your ideas about how to approach the life. Let me clearer. When you are living in your own Country you perfectly know what  you can expected from the other people when you talk with them, hang out and work with them. Because willy-nilly there’s a basic code in a population’s genetic which is common, in my opinion, for all the people who live in the same Nation and who were born in it. But if you leave your own Country, off to another one, you should expect that this “code” will be different, not necessary better or worse, just different. And if you want to live there, you must get it, even if you have to sacrifice some ideas or concepts which you were sure about.

Thirdly, and I’d like to bring out an example to support the next statement, you must be proud of what you’re doing and be confident in how you’re doing it. Because sooner or later you’ll come across difficulties that even knowing that you were going to face on, you’ll find impossible to overcome. But you don’t have, for any reason, give up, yet you must knuckle it down.

For instance, a few days ago I was loafing in the town where I’m living and some thoughts (that can be related to the path of learning English in the first months I was here) came in my mind. And I burst into laughing remembering when they taught me the difference pronunciation between “leaving” and “living”. Two different worlds separated by different meanings but so similar in the sound for a non-native speaker as I am.

And what about “beach” and “bitch”? In my opinion it’s really funny listen to people who tried to explain to me how much different are these two worlds in the meaning and in the sound and the effort they put to tell me that. Funnier was the reaction when they understood that I couldn’t actually get the difference! Nevertheless now that I got it, it still difficult for me understand why a native speaker can’t understand when it’s been asked “Where is she LIVING?”, pronouncing it as “leaving”. Come on! Why you can’t figure out that I wanted to use “living”, even if I said “leaving”, by the contest?!

Then I know that is another challenge to face, because when they can’t understand you, even though they could, it means that still you’re not good enough to manage this new language. But, as I said, never give up: as you learn, from the scratch, how to say “hello” or “goodbye”, one day, you’ll be able to work out how to speak, listen and interact properly. AS far as I concern, that day is still far, but with perserverance, willing of learn and optimism, I will do it.

19 - Looking forward

It’s a boring Wednesday afternoon, still in the library, still in Gatton, after 3 months. I’ve been setting the alarm since that 11st of july when I arrived here to lift my life up, to push myself towards new achievements, reachable after a long period of effort, struggling to get the chance to apply for this damn second Working Holiday Visa. Unwittingly, I put myself in a difficult situation, in a little word where the most big challenge is not working in a farm, not waking up early in the morning or figuring out what those strange people (with beard and rings on their ears, covered by tattoo meaningless) keep on saying with their particular and puff English. Nope, none of these.

The worst and biggest difficulty is surviving. Exactly. I’ve been playing around a way to spend my days in Gatton craving that the time flies as quickly as it’s possible. As I’ve always tried to do in my life, in Italy firstly and in Australia then, I’m steering the rudder of my daily existence in order to obtain the best from every single day. However, here, with all the respect for the dwellers of this small town, the time’s not running at all. I’ve got the hunch and the feeling that I’m getting really bored here and, furthermore, my final achievements are fading away, I cannot grasp them anymore. Every day’s become as the day before, there’s no difference, or at least you can’t notice that. Sometimes I’ve dwelt upon my life here, thinking about what I’ve done so far, what I’m about to do and the new challenges which are waiting for me over there, close to the horizon. I found out that I’ve no regrets, nothing which I’d redo in a another way. I’m proud of my experience and satisfy of what I chose to do in order to change my life coming here.

Thanks to these thoughts I’ve managed to live in Gatton till today, 16^th of October, without giving up the farm job. I’m aware of my strenghtnesses, which allow me to pursuit on my path during all this period in this town. I’m even conscious of my weaknesses which represented one of the reasons that could have made me in the condition to leave Gatton for a better and more Australian life in a big city.

Nevertheless, I’m still here, one more month and I’ll be able to say: “I did it!!”. And I’m really looking forward to do it, to get this second Visa, hoping that all I’ve done is worthy, and it will pay me back next year, when I’ll try, truly, to settle in Australia.

18 - Being italian nowadays

I've just woken up after a short nap in the afternoon; this life in Gatton has been making me tired. Tired of working in a farm where I can't find a better stimulation then complete the 88 days required to get the Second Visa and then fly away from this place. The daily life is not really exciting, yet there's not much to do and everyday I need t remind to myself that I'm still in Australia. I'm overseas, I've been on the other part of the globe almost for 9 months for many reasons. Above all the decision to leave came from I desire that was inside myself, for a research of personal motivations that I couldn't find when I was in my own Country.

I postponed my departure too many time when suddenly some facts turned my idea into reality. After I woke up in this early afternoon and I watched a video on a particular website, one of these facts have come in my mind reminding me how the Country which gave me birth is becoming an unmitigated disaster. I'm talking about the politics and its politicians who, apparently, have been appointed by their electors, in order to do the interests of the population. However, this is not happening and it's not going to happen at all.

Anyway, I was saying that I watched a video related to the cost of the politics in Italy. In that video has been showed that a parliamentarian of the italian Republic has proposed to reduce the difference, that nowadays is so incredibly clear and marked, between the annuity that a "normal" person gets after 40 years of work and the annuity that a politicians gets just after 5 years in the Parliament. It's a fact which is unthinkable, such marked difference wouldn't exist, not even in a kidding hypothesis. If I felt under the weather this morning because I'm tired of this life in Gatton, as I said at the beggining, after watching the video I mentioned my mood skyrocket towards the sadness. 

It has been said that at the vote, following the proposal of the parliamentarian, has taken part 520 politicians: 22 of them voted "yes", in order to abolish the privilege to receive the annuity just after 5 years "working" (it would be better to say "sitting") in the Parliament; the rest of the, 498 (!), voted "no".

Being italian make me embarrassed hearing this news. It's a felony! And it's a shame that the population has to withstand the burden of the cost of the politics without receiving back anything. My family and most of my friends are living there, where this is happening and I feel really sorry for them. Even because it's my Country and, maybe, in a future, I'm supposed to go back there.

Nevertheless these kind of news related to the politics, bad economy and situations of daily life (I'm referring, for instance, at the problem of the schedule time of trains in Italy that are always late), I love my Country. I love it because it represents the place where I was born and I lived continuously for 27 years. 

However, I'm conscious that the italian reality is becoming worse and worse day by day, so far there's not a future at the horizon, there's not hope for a better life which could allow the italian families to live with dignity. Unfortunately, every single aspect of their life is strictly correlated with the politics and its decisions. The decisions themselves represent, at the same time, the upside and the downside. They are the upside if they have been observed from the point of view of the parliamentarians because all the choices undertaken, have the main goal to make the already bright and good life of the politicians even better, in despite of the population and their economical state. The downside, of course, has been viewed from the same population that is becoming day after day poorer.

 It's disconcerting being the witness of these facts and not having the power and the possibilty to do something to change the situation.

Furthermore, it's frustrating the thought that the people who love are still there, involved and completely soaked in this reality that it's not going to change.

17 - 3 more months

I've just headed home after giving a lift to my german housemates, actually my ex housemates. I dropped them at the bus stop in the town, because today their time was over, they were about to off to Brisbane. Only after 2 weeks, they decided to have a go there, instead of praying to someone to work here, in Gatton. In fact, the season is going to finish soon, even if probably in a couple of weeks the onion season will start. Especially now, compared this moment with the time when I arrived here, the situation isn't really good for the backpackers. The result is that most of the people don't work everyday and some of them don't work at all.

I've got a good job, so it's implied that I'm not susceptible to changement in the agricultural market of Gatton and surrounding. A part of that, before, when the guys were getting on the bus, I feel envious, 'cause I need to stay, even if I know that I have a good job, I have to spend almost 2 more months here. I'm really fed up of working, sleeping and eating without having something else to do, some activities which you can enjoy with. 

Particularly, this sensation of being chained, the impossibility of leaving 'cause I still need to complete my 88 days in order to get my Second Visa, has been increased by one fact: I've booked the ticket to go back to Italy (and even the one's to come back in Australia in the middle of January). 

I know that I'm not homesick, I'm firmly sure that I don't want to go back to Italy to live there again, I've the strong feeling that it's not going to happen, at least in the next future; nowadays I want to live abroad, I'm in Australia right now, but nobody knows where I'll be in a couple of years, neither do I.

I'm really enjoying this new life, overseas, with new friends new challenges to face every day and to get over using just your ability, your skillset, your determination.

Well, nevertheless sometimes I miss home; I mean, I miss my family, my friends and some habit that I used to have when I was there and that now I'm not used to anymore. However, I think that this is common, it's a sensation that everyone has when you live far from home for a long period. The point is that when you know that there's a date, a sort of date of expire, you begin to look forward to reach that day, to get back or try again all the things you're missing. And it's how I feel now. I know that I can cope with the lack of pizza, staying without my italian friends or without my family. But living here in this town allows you to think more then you usually do everyday and, moreover, having a ticket to go back doesn't help.

I'd say that the time flies, so I reckon that this period is gonna be very quick; that means 2 months more working in the farm and then start a road trip that it'll bring me up north to Cairns and down south to Sydney, stopping along the path to visit and admire all the beauty that the East Coast offers to us. Finally I'm going to drive my own car to Melbourne, drop it there and catch the flight to Italy.

So, 3 months more to see my Country. I'm looking forward to do it. Ando, at the same time, I'm eager to come back and have a real go in Australia. But will think about this last thought later, for the moment, I have 3 more months to do.

16 - The spring's coming

Wake up in the morning after 10 hours sleeping with some rays of this Queensland sun; the wind is noisy outside and you can hear it between the brunches of the trees, blowing so strong and powerful. Even if I don't know why, this wind's reminiscing of a particular borough of one of my favourite city San Francisco. Yes I know, I'm living in Australia, I've been here for almost 8 months, I'm planning to settle here or at least to try to do it. First of all I'm gonna finish these 88 days in the farm in order to get my second Visa, then I'll go back to Italy, probably in the middle of December and finally I'll come back overseas, I still don't know where. Every day I change my mind, it's not very easy to plan your life for the future, especially when you are alone and you feel free to do whatever you want. The only thing which I'm really sure about is represented by the fact that this experience, this gap year in Australia's been worthwhile, I'm glad that I made the drastic decision to leave everything behind me and set off for a new life abroad.

The U.S. are still going around in my mind, reminiscing the last (it was also the first) trip I had more then two years ago. A lot of memories are stuck inside me and they're gonna stay there a long time. I want to make an effort, again, to make my way towards America; I'm gonna do it, soon or later, to continue this australian life I'm enjoying now.
But I'm in Australia at the moment. And I wanna figure out how to extrapolate the maximum which this Country has to offer. Once again I've pictured how it would be going back to Italy now, to start all over again in my own country; and once again I realized that it's not the right moment to do that. For sure, as I mentioned before, during the Christmas period I'll be there to enjoy the festivities with my family, but then my life will be here. I can't imagine living in Italy anymore, at least not in the close future. This is the place where I'm gonna stay, I'm gonna live. Here or in U.S. but not in Italy for sure.
It's really painful and it's a hard decision, because all my friends, my parents, my family are still there, but I feel that now I should do something different, I need to live this part of my life as I've never done before. Even if I'm doing menial jobs, even if my skillset and my expertise would allow me to look for, and probably find something better, I don't care; it's much more important to complete little tasks in my stride and complete them in order to reach a higher goal. I feel that I have to enjoy this life here in Australia, but I need also to research something else, I don't have just to have fun and then come back to my Country, as most of the people who come here usually do. I'm here for that, but above all for more. Far more. And it would be a pity to waste this time of my life without trying to attain a high and really worthy goal then I still can't figure out with simple words but which is becoming clear in my mind.

15 - The little things

When at the beginning arrived here in Gatton, the first impression that I felt was a sensation that this town wasn't going to offer me too much. I headed Gatton only because I was interested, and I still am, in working 88 days in a farm and get my second WHV to extend my australian experience. A part of me felt really sorry to leave the friends who I met in Perth, but the other part was excited to try a new experience, even in a farm. Usually, when a foreigner set off to reach the kangaro's Country, in his mind there's a clear picture of the farm; or, at least, was the imagine which my brain built to represent the farm environment and everything that surround it. You can think to turn on the volume of your radio, listening Boy from the bush by Lee Kernaghan and go through the country driving your 4 wheels jeep along the only road existing in that part of that forgotten land.

On your left side, there's just red soil and some shrubs; on your right, the same. The sky is completely light blue, some clouds stuck there, creating different images that make you fell like a painter with his brush in one hand and the imagination in the other one.

It's always been my dream exploring the Australian outback and see how it is; try to live there for a while, being completely plunged in the idea which, for me, is the best expression of the Australia.
Probably, one day, I'll have the opportunity to go into this marvelous and mystical environment, in a close future, not very far from this days. But not this year, not now. Nowadays I'm in Gatton, in a little town surrounded by little and big farms, the hobby farms, as the autochthons use to say. Apparently, is not the outback that I dreamt. Definitly not!

However, day by day, I'm starting to appreciate some aspects of this area, its shops, its people, its landascapes. Especially in the last few days, since I began to work in the farm where I've got the job, I reckon that this town has something to offer, not only to its citizens, but to the other people who live or wander for a while in it. I mean the backpackers. Us.
Maybe the first period I was too worried about looking for a good job, living with other italian people, about my english improvements; probably I hadn't free my mind in order to appreciate the nature and the intrinsic meaning which stays behind the boring imagine that this town gives at the first look.
But now, after 1 month, after having got a hourly paid job, after buying, almost, a car, finally I fell something different.Especially after yesterday. I went with my farmer to look for a car nearby his farm (and "mine") and coming back he took a different road, off the beaten track; and I discovered the beauty of Gatton. Above all, I saw the town and its surrounding with different eyes, because my farmer was describing to me how is living in Gatton; he explained to me how the population got over the flooding which happened two years ago and swept away some houses that were built nearby the river. He narrated briefly his life and the inception of his farm, which are the upside and the downside of this work; I was listening to him astounded because I was wondering how it's possible looking at same town, or in general at the same thing, and thinking positively or negatively regard to the point of view. I mean, I thought that Gatton was really awful, but now..now I think that, neverthenless, it's got some aspects that make it valuable and worthy to be lived.